How to Spot a Good Man

It’s true! A good man is hard to find. How can you tell if you’ve got a good man in your life?

Some people might say that what women call a “good man” is a man who doesn’t have control or doesn’t wear the pants in the relationship. A relationship is about equal control. And a good man knows when to keep his pants on and when to take it off.

I don’t have a degree that makes me an expert on this subject. But I do have life experiences to back it up. I’ve been in more than a few relationships. I’ve also been married three times. Life is the best teacher.

Here are some signs that you’ve got a good man:

1. His has his priorities right

Does your man take longer to get ready than you when you’re about to go somewhere or attend an event? Does he spend more time admiring himself than you? Does he spend more time at the gym than with you?

A wise friend once told me after seeing my date (now my husband). “He will treat you well. Look at the way he dresses. He’s a simple man. He will give you what he doesn’t spend on himself. He may not have a lot of money but he will give you what he has. He will make you shine in your relationship. He will put the spotlight on you and not on himself.” My friend was completely right!

There’s nothing wrong with a man who takes care of himself but it’s a different matter when it’s all about him! I went on a date with a guy who was a model. He never asked about me but was glad to tell me all about him. He also looked at every mirror we passed by. Good looks aren’t everything. It didn’t make up for his vanity or lack of intelligence.

When I was younger, some friends asked if I preferred a man who had six pack abs and bulging biceps or a man who is not so muscular with a little love handle. I said I preferred the latter. This tells me they care about themselves but not to a point where I wouldn’t get to see them because they spend more time in the gym than with me (of course this doesn’t apply to men who earn their living by competing professionally in weightlifting). I went on a date once with a guy who took muscle building too seriously. He wouldn’t drink a beer with me and popped all kinds of pills (for gaining muscle) in his mouth all night while we were at a club. I felt more like a trainer than a date.

2. He builds you up

A good man will say only nice things about you to his family and friends. He will build you up to them as if you were the best thing since sliced bread. It doesn’t matter what argument you had with this man or whatever negative thoughts or feelings he has about you. Rest assured, it will never be mentioned in public. He will be a reflection of you. If you look good, then he looks good.

I have never heard my husband talk about me or brag about me in public. I hear it from his friends who tell me he says good things about me and how he’s proud of me. “Wow! He said that?” That’s all I can say and then I smile with the knowledge that this is what my husbands thinks of me.

3. He supports your hopes and dreams

Even if he doesn’t always agree with your plans, he will be right beside you to catch you when you fall or lend a helping hand. No matter if he thinks your ideas are crazy, he will be there for you. This doesn’t mean that he won’t be vocal about things that are completely wrong.

Sometimes I blog about things that make people uncomfortable. My husband quietly reads it after it’s published and doesn’t say anything. When I’ve realized it needed some editing (TMI), that’s when he lets me know his opinions. When I asked why he didn’t mention anything before. He said “you do your thing. You be YOU!”

4. He shares more good days than bad (😀/🙁) with you

A good man will make you smile more than he’ll make you cry. I’ve always told my daughter, if you’re not sure if your in a good relationship, get a calendar. Put a smiley face if you’ve had a good day and a sad face if it’s been bad. Look at it at the end of the month and see if there are more good days than bad days. This will give you a clear picture of your relationship.

I did this for almost a year with my second marriage. I was trying to make the relationship work. After looking at my calendar and seeing all the sad faces month after month, I knew I had to call it quits.

5. He remembers the little things

Things that don’t cost money or just thoughtful gestures can mean a lot in a relationship. It could be a daily text saying have a nice day. It could be a surprise breakfast on your birthday. The big things are easy to remember but it’s the little things that take more effort.

I’ve been forgetful lately and have been paranoid about missing my daughter’s birthday. My husband called me from work at 9 a.m. (our time in Germany) to remind me to call my daughter (midnight in Cali). He also calls just to remind me to enjoy life in the present, to have a glass of wine or a cup of coffee at the Marktplatz (market square).

6. He never physically or mentally hurts you

No matter how mad a man gets, he should never EVER hit you. Any kind of abuse only worsens over time. There should never be an excuse for it. It’s never okay to lay a hand or play mind games with someone we love.

7. What matters to you, matters to him

Sometimes you have friends (or family) that your man dislikes. You know you’ve got a good man when he makes the effort to be pleasant around them because they mean a lot to you. Same goes for your favorite restaurant, favorite movies, and favorite places. Yes, he will endure it for a certain amount of time so you can enjoy the things you like. Although it doesn’t mean it will happen every time. Bottom line is he’s willing to compromise.

There you have it!

I’ve been blessed to find a good man. If this made you realize you’ve got a good man too, hold on to him, don’t let him go and make sure to reciprocate.